Hospital attachment: Day 1

Today was fun! (: We had ice-breakers, sharing session by the sisters, and tour around the hospital and the different units. (: The ice-breakers made me realise how much they value bonding between staff, as well as between staff and patient. The Quiet Room is very cool, as a respect for Muslims to pray and all that. The CPC, Pastoral Care unit, also had amazing stories to share. It helps with the emotional and spiritual healing, something that medicine alone cannot cure.It's a skilled ministry of the heart that requires a lot of listening and understanding using the heart. The sisters do not promote Catholic services, but instead pray with the patients when they request them to do so. It important for patients with terminal illnesses to let go of any negative emotions and spend their last days living as much as they can. It's also not about consoling by lying to the patients that they will get well soon or their god will save them, but rather to tell them the truth in a nicer way and helping the patients and their family to cope with their situations. I think God allowed me to break down with all the touching stories, and He's telling me to stop rejecting Him for protecting me and watching over me. I think it's really great that the patients get to be happier when they enter the last stage of their life, and not leave with the thought "Why me?".

The tour around the hospital was very useful and interesting. It showed me the different units and departments that a hospital needs in order to function. It's interesting to know that the doctors in private hospitals are private practitioners and they only have their clinics based there instead of working for the hospital. I learnt more about the different disciplines and specialties, and I think it help me to make a more informed decision as to which field I want to venture into in medicine if I were to become a doctor. From what I experience so far, I think that I have a exceptionally strong compassion for children and maybe women as well, and i'm trying to learn more as I go around the different units. (:

I found out that a lot of wards have a system that can keep a negative air pressure so as to keep virus like the SARS virus away from the hospital and patients. I think it's a really cool way to clear the air for the patients and prevent spreading of the air-borne diseases. I was also amazed by the facilities in the delivery suite, and the pleasant design in the various wards. There's the "laughing gas" to relieve pain for mothers giving birth, and there's the newest service: water birth, a natural way to give birth to the child in something similar to a bathtub. I also think that it is really helpful that the paediatric wards are really colourful and cheerful! (:

While attached to St Gabriel ward, We came across this baby from Bangladesh who had a brain tumour removed, but unfortunately is currently stuck with hydrocephalus, or "water in brain", an illness that causes excessive fluid to accumulate in the brain as it is unable to be absorbed by the surrounding tissues. This leads to increased pressure in the brain, causing memory loss in the patient, as I read from a magazine in the hospital later on. The mother was kind enough to explain the situation to us, as she is a doctor herself and she came with her husband to treat their baby as her husband is posted to SGH as a radiologist. I really hope that the baby will get well soon, and it hurts to see a tube connected to the baby's left brain. Most the babies staying in the ward have tubes connected to their body, to transfer fluid with antibiotics to the babies' veins, while some others still have oral medication. I think it was quite scary that one of the babies had the tube attached to his neck too tightly, and the nurses had to carry the baby to a brighter room after several failed attempts to pluck out the tube to change to a new bag of fluid for the baby, and it was uncomfortable for the baby as he kept crying. ): And I think it takes a lot of practice and caution to handle something so fragile. I think the baby's neck will just break if I get to carry one. xP The nurses were usually very busy and the four of us would either follow them and help out a bit or just sit around. It's interesting to see tinier versions of the blood pressure measuring thing to fit for babies' tinier arms and legs. (: The children had cast-like things around their arms or legs to secure the tubes and prevent the babies from pulling them out. Stacy and I thought that they broke their arms or something at first! :D

I think it's a really great experience so far, and I'm looking forward to going to the other units! I'll be missing the surgical ward St Francis tomorrow morning though, because I'm going for the Pre-U Seminar opening. Hope that's fun too. (: Wa tomorrow must bring pen there and take down notes! Hahas. After the attachment I also have dp with Melissa. (: Hope I'm not too exhausted for it! I almost didn't want to meet Samuel up for dinner because I needed sleep so badly that I would give up dinner. Anyway he ate before that already, he just bought a waffle after I have finished my food. Aiya but can understand la, after jogging sure hungry one ma, right dear? (: HAHAS!

<3<3<3
I wish that I can forget but I can't.
At least I made up my mind not to do something stupid today. Glad that I did. But I decided to be emo for at least the rest of the day. Though a bit fail because I'm either too sleepy or too amused by Sam to be emo. Roy's nice by the way. Hahas it's funny how something Sam said sort of corresponds to something my mum suggested the other time. Ya he's a guy and he's from Hwa Chong, but I don't have to go to that extent yet ok?    

Oh ya hey Madhu, I know you don't like brackcurrent. I don't like it either. Hahas.

I want to save tonight.

Argh my mum's here to chase me away! Lol. Happy birthday dad. (:

I feel better (:

Celine said that I sounded emo, but I think it's ok leh. Hahas. And I adapted back better than I thought I would. That's a great sign! (: I think I just need to spend less time stoning and on the computer.

Remember dear, good ending! (: I'm sure it will be as long as you trust Him with all your heart! Yay! >:)

Hmm I should think about my own problem too. I was too busy thinking about other stuff that I forgot about my own. Must start solving leh, if not will be very emo. ): Sorry gang that I was so quite, but I really don't know what to say. I don't even have any conclusion about anything, then I don't know what to say also... Haiz. Ok I'll try to say something serious and not lame next time. Hahas. (:

Actually I thought I'm fine already, but i guess things ain't always that easy. But I will be, when I learn to focus on  Him more. (: Don't be lazy!

I'll get better real soon. I promise. (:

Good to be back. Good to not feel strange. Good to know what's going on in your life.

But I need to know what's going on in mine.
I need a reality check too, although I already know the answers, and answers are not the things that I really need right now. I need to know how to do with them, how to move on, how not to get stuck here and feel demoralised, how to re-find my life and carry on with it. I feel that too many things have been lost, and I'll probably take a really long time to search them all back, but it'll be worth it. (:

This time, I think I'm really fine.
I just need time.

Headaches, rashes, and maybe some hormone disorder.

Other than that, my life is perfectly fine. I guess.

I've been sick recently and despite sleeping every time I reach home and not doing all my homework, I still cannot seem to get enough sleep. My darlin (the one in AJ) was, coincidentally, also sick since Sunday but with a much more serious fever. Lin Yao was also sick on Monday. Now even my bestie is having a fever and sore throat... The weather is really bad! ): I still remember my conversation with my apathetic friend: He was like the weather is so hot, and I went ya I'm still having a slight fever. Then he went ya the weather will make your fever worse. So I was thinking like how's that going to help me? But hahas never mind, I think I'm much better now. (: Need to catch up with all the work! And catch up with God. (:

Ya did my speech day voting. Anyhow vote. Hope people pay up tomorrow. If not idk how. :/

The greenlink earth day talk not bad sia. Got refreshment!! :D:D:D Hahas no wonder my 2 slacking friends doing logistics under that event.

Kesha's Your Love Is My Drug is so cute. So cheerful and happy and gay! (: Hahas!

Hope all 3 disorders above go away. Soon!

(:

Hectic hectic hectic!

A bit messy right now. Like rushing through everything. Although there seems to be no need for it.

Cannot concentrate when I try to do work. Still very tired even though I think I've been sleeping more. Strange.

Today Nijun was like "Your friends very nice leh!"
Then I was like "Why your friends not nice meh?" (Ok it was weird)
And she was like "No la. Your friends keep saying jiayou to you."
Then I was like AWW~

Yup my dearest baobeis, who always make me melt! (: I will try my best to qualify first!

Will be missing a few stuff. Hope it's not too serious. :P


Yay (:

You make me stonger.

Aww~ My sweet sweet darlings just know how to make me melt. (: Thanks for being there, like, ALWAYS!

Can't believe we got first for SPARKS! I only helped to press buzzer... :x But The rest of my team is crazy! And must thank Jocelyn and her team for PA, Madhu and Porlin for hosting, Celine for the support, Shang Jun and his SnT for making it possible. (: It was fun! :D Again again! *teletubbies*

Yay finished my NATFA! Don't have to worry about it for LIFE. Jiayou Celine for your 2.4, and Jocelyn and Madhu for your SBJ!! You can jump one must believe in yourselves! I'll run 2.4 with you next Monday OK? (: My event is this Friday so yup not scared of anything already!

Haven't done any homework. Don't know what I've been doing for the past few days. Hope PW outing was good? (:

Got to go out with Marilyn soon... hopefully. (: Lin Yao told me that Energy Audit will be tiring, but never mind la, I'm going to step down soon will be more free. (: Hahas.


Love you my Baobeis for being so encouraging... I'm touched! <3

xoxo you all!


P.S. April Fools was fun. :P Madhu! Your favourite song very cute leh! Hahas!

And things will all fall into the right places

One down! :D Quite relieved that it's over actually, although I didn't want it to end.
Less stress now, I hope!

Something's wrong with my keyboard. Shouldn't type much. It's getting painful.

Oh wait it's okay now! It's just a program that was running just now.

All the best for 200m girls! (: And long jump! Jiayou!!


I'm so glad that I've got you, always there for me, being so supportive. MUARCKS!!

<3 (:

xoxo

I'm tired and scared. And hungry and cold. OK, not really.

:/

I want to eat carrot until I turn orange!

Tried Long jump today. (: A bit scary, but quite fun la. (: Thank Joshua and Wei Quan for the patience to teach me! Need Gabe. :/

So tired. Want to sleep. But want to wake up at 12 to wish Marilyn happy birthday. (: Hope bestie gets a hint and message my love soon! :D

An love don't worry he won't think of you as irritating one. You're so cute! :D

Get chased away already. I've only been here for like 5, 10 minutes. Thursday got Sparks, Friday got H3 test, Saturday Sunday most likely will have long jump training, Monday Bio block test, Wednesday selection test. DEAD. Hahas. Must enjoy tomorrow man go eat Swensen's! :D Eat until fat then cannot jump!


<3 you (:

I need a plaster for my heart. But I'll be fine. (:

Shouldn't think about whether I DID the right thing.
Shouldn't think about what things COULD have been.
Just focus on now, and how to make things better.

Just can't seem to make myself get more sleep. Still sleeping late. This is bad... ): Can feel the effects, and their heartbreaks. Ouch.

Self-control! Self-discipline! Prioritise!
I don't really know how not to lean on my own understanding, or how to make decisions, because He's just telling me that He'll bless me in whatever I choose to do.
Or maybe that's what I need. It's not important what I choose to do, but how well I choose to do it and not think about not doing anything else. Hahas I'm confused, but thanks. (:

I hope I don't get injured in the next 2 weeks. That's the best that I can do. For now.

Oh no gtg! Hahas hope I still can come back. (: Yup I'll be fine.

"IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU USING LOGICAL REASONING."

Lose your emotional baggage

Yay! Meeting Mel tomorrow (: Quite stress about everything but never mind! Was super frustrated today when I read the message around noon and went out for a walk, but the word FAITH popped into my head, and very much calmed me down. Thank God! (: I think I just try my best la. Even if it's not enough. (:

I think I'm very distracted. The TV on then I will sit there and watch. NO SELF-DISCIPLINE! Aiya go sleep la. Super tired. Haiz. Jocelyn take care at camp! Have super a lot of fun. (:

K la I try to do a bit of work first. Then try to sleep early. Yup. (:


Love you!

It's true that we shouldn't bury our feelings, but right now I need to.

Had some sort of spiritual attack/ emotional diarrhea just now on my way home. Almost went crazy. Feeling much better now but it can come again any time. And I have a feeling it will. Recorded my thoughts in my phone:

If it's possible, I also want.

It hit me so hard now it hurts so bad. I'm suffocating as the minute goes by. Hoping that something will happen, someone to save me out of this. But who can I blame, since I;m the one causing my own pain. Why am I inflicting pain on myself? I don't get what's going on. Something's terribly wrong. In fact, everything's wrong. Nothing feels right. I'm too dependent. I need to speak up and rely on Him more. Believe that everything's for my best interest (because it's true). I just can't figure out the feeling though. It's like I'm lost. ): And I can't even bring myself to listen to happy songs now. Because I simply feel too sad. Feeling so insecure that I can't stop peeling the skin on my thumb every time my hands are free. How I wish I have an eye candy that can cheer me up whenever I spot him from afar. One that I don't have to feel associated to, one that don't know my existence. Feel so confused feel so bad. Tomorrow got race I better rest well. Can't stand the feeling that I'm dying to hear something every moment. Or getting motivated to run faster because I didn't put in my 100% in the first place. But everything's going to end soon. So soon that I'm still in the shock that I;n going to do long jump. I love Lift You High by Planetshakers. I need to have that knid of love and mindset. Need to slap myself so as to wake up from the sweet dream before it turns to sweet. Or else I'll find myself crying when I wake up, when I finally realise that everything is not possible. Quick, wake up, before it's too late.

I felt like rubbish, but someone slapped me out of it.


See, verbal diarrhea right. It was like a 10 page long SMS. Just that at that time I didn't say all these out loud. It was inside my head, so loud.

I'm going to fail my psycho test man, at this rate. Need to tell my baobeis about it. (:

I think I'm giving myself too much stress because I'm too slack. Must push myself more. I feel very tired these days, although I'm not doing much. I feel so old. Oh man.


It was really scary. Dark and filled with screams. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

I'm going crazy. All because of you, myself. Thanks ah.

Felt better after I reached home. Shouldn't have stayed back. Should be more independent. Anyway I've more or less decided to give up since I really cannot make it and focus more on what I can get. Maybe I should be more like the Benjamin I met today. Then I won't live until I feel so tired.

Mr Yip is crazy la. Ask me to go back to school tomorrow to ask him questions. He'll be very disappointed if he knows that I've secretly decided to give up, but he also admitted that even that Benjamin is better than me at concepts. I no hope already la. Sorry. (:

Can't laugh anymore. Anything that come out from my mouth now is either crap, or crap. Sorry baobeis. ):

This is so sweet. It's on a Facebook page It's like I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you:
here's a secret: I LOVE YOU ♥
So super sweet. :3

Must stop myself from imagining stupid things. Or hallucinating. I told ou I'm going crazy.

I really like this picture from It's like I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you. It corresponds to one of my notes in my phone that I displayed for quite a while. (:

It's so super duper sweet la~ LOVE YOU! :3

Ok I should go and rest soon. Race at 2.40 tomorrow. Weather: Dunno. Feeling: Scared. Jiayou! :3

You can do it! (:


I'll still love you. (: I'll try to put down the hate, even those for myself.

Things that cheer me up :D

This is some announcement I found under a folder on KM called A Level Examination. And it's damn funny!

Important!
by Tan Cheu Yian 11/20/2009 9:45 AM

• Please bring a jacket along for the examination which you could wear it if you feel cold.
• Please bring an umbrella in case it rains.
• In the event of floods, please do be reminded that your safety is of the utmost importance. Contact the College immediately if you do have problems reaching the College on time.

It's super cute can! Especially the third point. LOL.


And I learnt a new word last Friday! It's "Quorine"! :D

I think he still doesn't trust me as much.. Hmm... Hahas never mind la I don't care about all those politics. Go for it, electrophoresis! You can do it!



Oh my gosh! Cannot stop laughing after reading these feedbacks. This is damn funny:

This Just Has To Be Said

Some may find this a waste of space. If my brain wasn't dead from Mathematics, I would probably be sane enough to agree.
But some things must be said and apologised for as a matter of principle.
...Sorry Mrs Poon, I wasn't paying attention to what I was typing, and I know you're not Mr Tan.
Sincerely,
-Bern



Another one:

Sorry sorry.

Sorry Mrs. Poon, I really thought you were a man.
My bad.
.wen loong




HAHAHA! They are damn cute. It's damn random and although I don't get what they mean, but it's really very funny. Thanks for brightening up my day. :D

I couldn't walk I couldn't see
I couldn't love until you found me

If it were to be any different, I won't like it as much.

I don't want to think about all the if's and maybe's. I'm happy the way things are. Even though there may be sad times or tough times, I still like it right here, right now. I'm not going to regret any decisions I've made, any path that I walk, for God placed me in all this and I trust that that's the best for me. (: Like giving me more time to rest because I haven't been taking care of myself. I know it breaks His heart, as well as my mum's, to see me sick and uncomfortable when I don't take time to rest and get sick in the end. So, I'll try to sleep earlier from now on! I'll try really... Whether I get 7As or not for A levels is completely irrelevant if I can't even do my A levels because I get too sick. Jus chill and take things light. It's not like I'm completely stupid or lazy, so I'm sure I can do it. (: I'll be smiling with my baobeis around this time next year, or maybe crying tears of joy because I love the drama (hahas).

I don't care what things will turn out to be. What's done is done. I don't care how you think of me. I'm going to throw you away! :D OK at least I'll try. Hahas I'm going crazy. Yup I'll try my best. By that time, be proud of me OK? (:

It's ok to be completely random

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling
Streetlight people


A level results are out. Guess now's the time where a lot of people are scratching there heads hard trying to figure out where to go from here. I hope I won't be one of them this time next year.

People scream. People cry. I stood there to enjoy the drama. Feeling kind of numb and kind of affected as well. Hope these people make the best of what they have and don't regret from now on. I'll need a BIG hug next year too, from everyone I see man. Hahas. Hope PW will be ok. All the best 09! (:

Everyone can turn their back against me, but I just need you to believe me. It's the source of my strength. Hope this holds true for long enough.

Don't stop believing in what you can do. There's someone up there always smiling at you, having faith in you more than you yourself do, knowing that there's a great plan for you. Jiayou slow gang! Next year we go up to the stage together! (:

I need to rest. Reserve for SPH relays tomorrow and Sunday. No time to do work at all. I'm physically drained as well. Dying already... xP

All the sad songs make me so sad... ): Must change my preference to Madhu's favourite song. LOL!


虽然无所谓写在脸上
我还是舍不得让你离开
虽然闭着眼 假装听不到
你对爱已不再想依赖





I feel blue 沒有風的下午　
想起那天還是會有點辛苦
Oh so blue 恨自己太清楚（生命不能重複）
我有花在眼前 酒在喉間 想的是你的笑臉

如果能在雨天　會不會有改變　
也許你就永遠在我身邊
如果當時瞭解　看見我的曖昧　
你會不會體貼地再多留一會兒
Come back again

是誰走錯了一步　誰又能不後悔
只是　痛心的　失心的　狠心的　再難挽回

如果能再遇見　會不會有改變　
也許你就永遠在我身邊
如果當時瞭解　看見我的曖昧　
你會不會體貼地再多留一會兒
Come back again








愛可以這樣　當我想一個人晚餐　
卻碰到你坐在對面

剛分手的人　已有新伴侶　
為何我還在意
你已屬於她　而我只能看著窗外　
有沒有人比我可憐
所以愛上別人包括忘記你　需要一點時間

哦　陽光竟然耀眼
哦　隨便

想你已經十天又三天　
我好想再看你一眼
一路 轉彎 直線 曲折又熟練
是你回家的路線
分手已經十天又三天　
整個人什麼都不對
左邊 右邊 心裡 尋找了幾遍　
你真的不在身邊

愛已經這樣　而我付過帳的咖啡　
苦得沒有一點甜味
當然也有人約我好多遍　
但我沒有感覺
你已不存在　或是還有那麼一點　
陰陰暗暗不肯離開
所以愛上別人包括忘記你　
需要一點時間

哦　陽光竟然耀眼
哦　想念

想你已經十天又三天　
我好想再看你一眼
一路 轉彎 直線 曲折又熟練
是你回家的路線
分手已經十天又三天　
整個人什麼都不對
左邊 右邊 心裡 尋找了幾遍　
你真的不在身邊


All so sad right. Lol. Haiz.

I'm tired. But I need to work hard.

Need to work harder. And work smarter.


Everybody dance
Dance like an angel! :D
Sometimes people do the sundance people
Everyone is higher
Love desires


Hahas I'm siao already.

Make happiness a habit. (:

I also don't want my schedule to be like that. Don't have time for anything these days. Haiz...

Things will get alot better after March. Because things are ending. Hang in there in the mean time dear! (:

Listen to happy songs, think of happy thoughts, and just be positive! Gotta write my script!

Better catch up on GP reading article. Gonna get slaughtered...

Thank God for all that have happened in my life. And all that have not. Really.


Maximise my capacity! (: Get more sleep. Be less lame. ): Hahas.

Make smiling a habit. Make love a habit. See no evil. Hear no evil. Be no evil.

Be more cute. Hehe. :3

And be myself. (: Sleep more......

Make better use of time. Don't be so blur and everything.


Should have used those hands to play piano. Haiz. Lol.
Stop being random! (: Write script! Study for maths test! Do GP homework! Make time if I can't find time. (:

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go~

That's the most boring chorus hahas. Whole thing x3 some more.


Thank you my beloved baobeis. For staying through with me all this while. (: Don't know what to do without you all.


<333

Smile Smile Smile (:

Pull yourself together! Gather all lost strength and the broken pieces of motivation, and stand up once more. Charge towards your goal! (:

Sometimes I don't know if it's you or if it's just me. I've drifted a bit too far.

I think I can go to church next week! (: If all goes well.

Hope dad has a safe trip. Nothing will happen to him. (:

Yup keep smiling girl. Cry when you need to because it releases toxics and depressants. Hahas.

Away from me, you stomach-ache-causing germs. SHOO.


Hahas. I think I'm a bit siao liao. But thanks dear for being there for me. (: And I've got a new poem for my honey! I think she'll faint hahas. Or get flu because it's too cold. :P

Snap out of impractical thoughts and lie in a whole bunch of beautiful dreams! Just don't cry when it gets too beautiful. <3


Can't you feel this magic in the air? It must have been the way you kissed me. Right on the forehead. (:
'Cos only your fingers can fit perfectly into the space between my fingers.
Hehe.


Better run. Daddy's coming back. :D

I was initially so sad. Thought I'd miss the chance. My dad told me never mind, there will always be chance, but I wasn't convinced. After reading the email more closely, I thought it wouldn't be very useful to me anyways, since I'm not the thinking and speaking up type of person, but I still felt that the chance would be wasted if I can't go.

Just so stubborn. Myself.

In the end I decided to complain about it. Lol. Though I thought I really shouldn't. Should have drawn the line sooner.

After that I was glad that there may actually be a chance that I can go this tea party, although not very likely that RIJC and HCI will have it on the exact same day, nor asking the professor to change the day for the training. But at least he tried. And I'm happy.

I tried.


Didn't go for the extra training at Bishan stadium yesterday morning. Although it's beneficial for me. Wasn't feeling very well and so didn't feel like going. Hasn't been feeling well since 2 Wednesdays ago. Really tired and worn out and stressed. I feel that I'm wasting everyone's time anyway, but He told me not to give up. I'm only wasting everyone's time if I keep being so lazy and negative. Must try to make better use of my time without compromising on my beauty sleep. I was almost late on Friday, really thank God I wasn't. I don't know how the school bell got even slower than my watch, but it mustn't have happened by chance. Therefore I must grab every likely opportunity that God has placed in front of me and make full use of it. And be more dependent on Him and not anyone else, especially not myself. I am weak but He is strong! Can't be so proud and complacent anymore. He loves me so much.

Everything that He has done for me, to take me so far. I'll embrace it with much love too.

"Hope you love it! (:"
Yes I want to. And I can if I just even try.

Mustn't listen to sad music. It really affects my mood a lot.

Last thing to mention... sorry Erin that I didn't go for Starstruck! ): Was really tired by that time though I tried staying back... Hope everything went well. (:


What else can you say. You hypocrite.



The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cos the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly



Yay cheese tofu! Love it! (:
But I've grown soooooo fat over the Chinese New Year period. ):
Stop eating, you fat pig! Nationals' in about 1 month's time!! :0



Cos I see your blue eyes every time I close mine
You make it hard to breathe.

I WISH YOU WERE A STRANGER I CAN DISENGAGE

Madhu!! Get well soon!!! (: Drink lots of water and keep sleeping till you get sick of it! :D If not don't come back, even though we miss you... Take care and recover! (: LOVE YOU LOTS! <3

Now I must really stay away from the computer. Cannot touch it at all. If not I won't move from my seat.


Aiya Friday how ah... Cannot go back XMS, cannot go eat ice-cream... What to do... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Need the whole holiday to study. Can't do vectors, didn't do respiration tutorial, not very sure about econs, and need to finish whacking the whole of Smith ASAP. Can't believe I took the wrong bus today took me so long to get home. ): I'm so tired...


Jiayou girl! Don't be deterred by the obstacles but keep fighting! (: You can do it! I have all the right plans for you so don't worry! :D


So chim. To us we don't need any prove to believe it, because it's already so natural. But if we do find evidence, it will help other people to start to have faith too. (: Although it's like the wrong way, because we shouldn't only believe upon sight.


Need to push myself. Need a little hug as well. Aww.


Don't just leave me hanging on. I need to make time for you, as well as myself.

Holidays coming! :D

Warning to everyone (esp myself): Don't eat too much! For people who are weight conscious, you'll become fat. For me, I'll become off-season and become unable to run. ): Oh man.

Tomorrow I have the external lesson with all the smart people again! Very hard to not stress, but I guess I'll try... (Ya, I'll try) Haiz... Hope I can understand tomorrow's lesson and don't embarrass myself in front of everyone. This time round cannot be late. >:(


This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by




Get out right now
Get out of my head.
I need to get some sleep back.
Hopefully I don't eat and sleep throughout the whole chinese new year period. Hard to say.


So why can't I turn off the radio? Actually I can, just unwilling to? Or is it lazy? Aiya idk la. Hahas.


Btw bestie jiayou!! :D Lol. Sorry to say but the prospects don't look that great... We'll see. (:

Slow down. And the things that you're chasing will catch up with you. (:

Thank God for such great friends. Feel much better after getting it off my chest. Well sort of. And thanks a lot for Madhu's sweetness! (: I'm getting diabetes! But seriously, without all of your support and encouragement and willingness to listen, I won't make it this far today. (: Still quite confused and blur but better already. (:

Can't get it off my mind, even though I know that it's not real. WHY?? So irritating... ):
Sorry for talking so much about the topic so much all the time. You all must have been tolerating my crap for very long... ): From now on I'll try! But then I will be like super quite because my life is so empty. Since I cannot talk about homework and tutorials, I'll be super lame. Brace yourselves. Muahahas.

Saw Mr Yip today, going home after playing tennis with his "friend", and only ended the game because (I think) they got chased out by the tennis people (Hahas Yi Leen was complaining how he has been so irritating to the tennis people for snatching their court). Then after the game he just walk by himself without waiting for his "friend" la! So bad. Then I said bye to Wenman during my training, purposely ignoring him because more often than not he ignores me. Anyway I think tomorrow cannot eat pizza already la... William got PA duty and Jingwei has to rush off. Saded. ):

But the IChO training was really scary. All the people there are damn smart. ): I just kept praying that the name selector thing won't pick my name throughout the whole lesson. Like that how to learn properly? So stressful la. But thanks to Mr Ng being so nice and everything that I got over the stress a bit. But if I keep staying here in front of the computer to destress, I'll only get more stressed. Vicious cycle. Sigh. Mr Yip was still like not stress won't improve and all. Haiz. Don't know how la.


Anyways I suddenly realised that I still have to do some shopping for V day! Oh man. Can only pray for time. There will be, but I'm not sure if I can manage or use it properly.




Just 顺其自然 lor. Bleh. Love you my BAOBEIs!! <333

Know your limits, and then ignore them.

It's amazing how much God is still protecting me, eg. for my bio test today, He really helped me a lot in my revision because I only started revising last night at 11pm and slept at 2am without doing part 4 of my ICS at all. Yet today I was able to sort of answer the questions. Also, I was lucky enough not to get called to present my answer during IChO training today, because I still lack practice and really need to buck up before I can catch up with the rest. Thank God, because now I know my weaknesses more and that His strength can be proven by my weakness, and through this I'll find wisdom from Him. It's such I shame I haven't been relying on Him and communicating with Him as much these days, due to all the work piling on me and me having no time to do them, and started to have less faith in Him. Now that I'm aware of it, I don't know if I can regain that faith in Him and thus prove it by having more confidence in myself as well, but I guess I'll try. I'm very screwed up these days, and I don't know why. Need to be closer. Also need to trust more in His plan and His faith that He'll only put me somewhere because I'm more or less up to it, just like how He won't tempt us beyond what we can bear. I must not feel inferior or give myself too much stress. Really feel suffocated today. Hope tomorrow will be better. Need sleep...

Happy birthday Avery Gan! :D

Today was so embarrassing la. I think I didn't know how to do most of the questions and Mr Yip had to help me all the time. And all the HCI and RIJC and NUSHMS and TJC people can somehow handle everything on their own. Must give myself more training. Need a little push here.

Thank Mr Ng too for talking to me and giving me so many advice. (: But I think my free calls for this month now used up already thanks to that long talk. 13 more days to go without calling with my hp. Right.

Can't breathe really. Don't know how. Feel like asking Albert Einstein how 24 hours a day was enough for him. :/

KM broke down! :D Sorry for the randomness but I'm somewhat happy and a bit disappointed. Should celebrate. Hahas.

How to be creative without being lame? So deep and so difficult la. Even Mr Yip said the alkaline room in NJ question was not funny. Haiz. Maybe it's just that he doesn't know how to appreciate. :P

Wonder how the studying session went today for Celine, Rachel, Samuel and John. Productive? I'll ask Celine tomorrow. :D

OK la should stop blogging about random stuff. Need to buy NJ badge from the bookshop for my new "friend". Don't know how I'll ever fit in.

Heard those unfriendly comments again. Shall ignore them and brace myself for GP tomorrow. Every time like fighting war or somthing so tense. Even she says it's like a graveyard, since we don't even dare to breathe. God give me strength!


Super stressed and super confused. But life goes on, so just prepare myself for tomorrow! (:





<3 YOU.

He has Good, Pleasant and Perfect Plans for Me. (:

Looking forward to this Saturday! (: See what I get and I'll inform my primary school and secondary school teachers about it! I hope they will be happy. :D

After having like so much good news in the first 2 weeks of school, I think I'm a bit used to it and was looking for 1 on Monday and Tuesday. My mum said that I'm a bit proud, but I think that I should keep working hard in, for example, tests and class and stuff so that I can honour God and be very aware that He is blessing me so much by counting my blessings (though I know that there's so much blessings that I won't be able to finish counting! :D), so that on every Saturday, I can worship Him and scream for Him like mad because I know that I've been living in victory for the week! (: Luckily, I found 2 for this week: the first being the training/trial from God to behave myself by having my mum set all the curfews and rules on me, and the punishment being not allowed to have pocket money for the week and not allowed to go to church for the week. This really trains me into having the mindset of doing everything to honour God, and not for my own pleasure or anything. (: The second one is that I topped the first H3 test! :D I was like super happy at first, but then when I thought about it, it would be very embarrassing if I don't take that spot. Don't be replace, just like what one of the sermons said, and since I think I'm capable enough, with God blessing me with so much, I'm sure I can maintain that spot if I keep working hard! (: I know that may sound a bit egoistic and proud and sad, but I'll do my best in my own way to honour Him.

Also, I checked out the website for IChO 2010 in Tokyo and found the schedule super nice. They've got excursion for the students almost every other day! Because anyway we will only be there to sit for 2 papers, but they gave us like 11 days to spend in Japan, so I was like from I'm really stressed... I don't know if I can be one of the 4 who make it there in July to I WANNA GO!!! IT'S SO COOL! xD

Hopefully it's healthy motivation to myself. (: And really thank God for Celine and her encouragement note! :D I LOVE YOU TO DEAR!! <333

Curfew at 11pm every night. Even on weekends. For sleeping/lights-off. A bit stressed and not used to it but I'll try. Need more skills to prioritise my tasks...

Critical thinking! Hope it will help me for my chem as well. :P

Alright I really should go. I think I'll only have time to go the GP articles and critiques on Sundays. I haven't done the one for last week so I have to do 2 this week. Note to self: Start revising for ICS SOON!!



I thank God for all that He has given me this week. (: I hope I remain humble and not become proud. I want to treasure my friends around me, and not just make friends with my chemistry textbooks and biology notes! D: Take care friends don't fall sick! (: Jiayou!









You give life a reason to breathe. 'Cos you're so awesome. <3

I'm so nervous and confused that I've logged into my blogger account 4 times in the past 1 hour to write new posts.

I shouldn't rely on my emotions. Ignore how I feel. Stop being so childish! IT'S NOT ABOUT MYSELF.




Lose youself in the music the moment you own
You'd better never let it go
You've only got one shot do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime



But my child, I only want you to be happy. Think of it positively and don't let what the devil wants you to think influence you. If you know how he attacks you, then you can beat it. You don't have to suffer this dear. You just need to keep a cool head and focus. Know that it's not your true feelings, however much you feel like it is right now. Don't stress because I'm with you. Always. I'll never abandon you my love.








Thank you.

BUT THEN AGAIN, I WISH IT ALL ENDS HERE.

I have no comment.

I'm really confused.

Mixed feelings, fireflies in my stomach.




Not that nice really. So don't try it at home.

But really ah. Can't believe how much he cares about it. Even though it's like rare and all. It's damn scary now. Be bold, Yiting. Don't fear. Ok. I'll try my best this time round so that I won't regret at the end of it. Even though my best is not enough. Thank you for so much encouragement, help and faith in me. (:



















And I Really Love You.

Don't take them for granted. They are given to you by God.

I shouldn't be complacent with what I have. I must treasure them and really really not take them for granted. Whether it's family, friends, opportunities, mentors, I must treat them like it's really important. Because they really are.

I was discouraged by how my dad objects to me going earlier to church for discipleship with Melissa tomorrow. But then I thought there will be other ways, and I don't just have to choose one of them, and I felt slightly better. Also, I sort of reminded myself by remembering how my dad remembered that I need to leave home at about 12.30 to get to church, so he made lunch ready for me at around 12. I'm really touched by how my parents care for me, worrying that I may not be able to manage and all, and I appreciate my parents even more through remembering this. Thank God for the reminder, and I'm sure there will be a way out and I don't have to worry. Because when I have faith and do as God tells me, I will surely defeat the devil. (:

I need to have more faith in myself, because God has faith in me. Even those around me have faith in me: Madhu, Celine, Jocelyn, Shang Jun.... although it's probably because they've never been there. I'm a full-fletched mugger now, and got myself into more trouble and mess than ever. But I know that this is a precious chance that God gave me, for me to go through this experience and if possible, lead me to His plan for me. I'm really grateful for this chance and all the support from my friends, how Celine reminded me that I don't have to care about what others think about me as a mugger or anything. Because my friends don't mind, so if other people do, they are not my friends and so I don't have to care! :D

I can't believe how much Mr Yip is trying to help me, whether it is out of his own ego or he really thinks and hopes that I can excel. He even found a mentor for me in my physical chem part, which is like so shocking that I got a heart attack when he mentioned it. Almost as hard as the one I got when I saw him in LT1 on Wednesday. I think it's really part of God's plan that I stayed back after H3 today to ask Mr Yip a few questions, because he actually arranged his ex-student to come back to NJC and discuss with him about how he can help me with physical chem, since he was a silver medalist 1 batch back and he did H3 physics and he don't have to go for NS, yet. It's amazing how I stayed back until so late, all the way till his ex-student came, which was like past 6.30 when H3 lesson ended around 5 today and I intended to go home and rest. I thank God also that I brought 2 packets of crackers to school today, even though I wasn't hungry initially, but I made full use of them as I gave like 1 packet to Mr Yip as he was hungry. :D It's really awesome how God works, and I'm convinced to walk according to his great, pleasant and perfect plan for me. (: I also thank God that my parents came to fetch me from school today, even though they could only reach my school at about 8.30, and they haven't even eaten dinner. I'm happy that my little sister came too, and she didn't complain about being hungry or me finishing so late. (: Thank God.

Recently I got really caught up in asking for leadership qualities that I forgot even how to be a good servant, to God and to the people around me. It's just like how I couldn't swing my arms naturally as I tried very hard to correct my arm swing. I also need to tame my tongue desperately. I haven't been speaking to a lot of people nicely, especially Mr Yip since I knew him better, and even my OG frined laughed at how I demanded Mr Ng to check his letter tray by today. But I still can't believe that he left our assignments in TC16. Oh God please let our work be still there.

Thank God for the amazing grace. (: I'm feeling dizzy now, and has been feeling tired since H3 or even earlier. I really must rest more and not only do chem!! Jiayou Yiting! So many people rooting for you, so you can do it! Even God said that He's got great plans for me, so let me trust Him fully and rely on Him and not on myself or Mr Yip or my friends and family! No stress because if He is for me, who can be against me? (:


LOVE YOU LOTS! <3


P.S. I hope nobody follows Marcus Chan's nonsense, calling me grandmistress!!

You don't have to be cool
Don't have to be smart
Don't have to be tough
Don't have to be cute
Don't need to know everything all the time
Anything any time
I just wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your friend

I like to be around you
When you're not trying to be somebody


Get well soon Celine! (: I know that God will bless you very much and that He won't let you suffer in that pain for too long. Take your time to rest and even if you don't come tomorrow we'll help you catch up with anything that you may miss. (: Love you to bits my dear!

Just got to catch up on facebook with the status of a few friends that I haven't been seeing for a while. I can't believe Gwen and Stuart are engaged! I was searching for this "Stuart Siew" guy whom Gwen was engaged to, and I realised that he's the one from XMChorale! What a surprise. :D Congrats for the good results and hope you'll get into NYJC and enjoy your 2 years there! (:

I'm helpless with the GP homework. Not in the mood to do any research. Or anything related to GP. I just want to spend this nice Sunday afternoon sleeping! D: Unfortunately I have to finish up my 2 GP factsheets and on top of that, do research for the Econs project and on a few indicators. :/ Don't really feel like doing but never mind, I'll put my mind to it and finish it as soon as possible! >:)

And MOE H3 Chem is starting tomorrow. Kept thinking that I would be sick and have a fever when he steps in, but I guess I won't be so lucky. :P Then I'll go for training after that, 1 hour behind everybody else. I thought about the issue to myself that I would rather skip the H3 lessons this year than to skip training, since I've skipped A LOT of trainings last year for orion, but I realised just recently that H3 is kind of like an official subject. Didn't see how I could have missed that part out when I thought about it since the end of last year, and now I feel a bit depressed even though I understand that trainings will be tough. I guess I'll just rely on God, since He's got everything all planned out and I'm sure that I'll manage my time this year just fine, with me being able to qualify for the finals for the Nationals this year! I'll be optimistic, because I serve the Man, and the Man has a plan. (: A great one that will prosper me no matter what, because the Father loves us so much. (:

I'm not going for Miss Eng's wedding this Saturday, partly because of church and partly because of, I can't believe I'm saying this, I don't know what to wear for the occassion, and it's not like I have any choice in my wardrobe any way. I think I'll just focus on going for service at 1.30pm and not be busy at somewhere else in the morning.. :x

Can't wait for 30th Jan though. Although it seems really unfair, how I decide to go for something one Saturday morning but not for another event, using church as an excuse. But I really want to go for it, looking at how much time I've dedicated for the whole of last year, even thoug I'm guilty of not being hardworking throughout the whole process. It's like, THE moment for me. And I can't wait to know what I got, giving all the credit to the God that I believe in. (: I'll be happy to receive whatever He rewards me, though I've been praying for a gold medal since a few weeks before the competition, I knew that I didn't do that great for both the theory and practical round. Therefore I thank God for even being able to make it into the practical round, so no matter what I get, it's from God and I'll treasure it. (: I'm also glad that I went for orion, which makes my work for chemistry this year much of a breeze and delight for me. (: I'm glad that most people from NJC who went for the competition got a medal, although it seems a bit unfair to me how people who joined in the beginning didn't even get a chance to compete, whereas people who came in last minute could get a reward for like 2 weeks of training. I know that it's a plan from God, but I do feel a pitty for Theresa and Anamicca still. ): I hope that this year Theresa will do well for her H3 chem! (: Shang Jun too. Never give up! You can always find Mr Yip for help, although he's a bit weird at times, but I'm sure he won't blame you for anything. (: There's only 17 of us this year so I'm sure he'll treasure everyone of us. (:

17 only. That brings me to my other point. Why would he even want a test for at the start of the year? So pointless. Unless he wants to design his lessons according to the common misconceptions and weaknesses of the class. Oh well, we'll just see about what he's going to do.

I really shouldn't be saying this. Cos I ain't seeing nothing yet. I shall just see what he's going to do. Any way I already know half the class. :P But then again, so does he.

God also made me realise that all the good things that has already been happening to me in my first week of school didn't just happen all of a sudden, but it came like a reward for my efforts and also as challenges to keep bringing myself to a higher level. The notification for my medal for SChO didn't just come out of the blue, but beacuse I worked hard last year and went for the competition to earn it. Likewise, I won't be turning 18 just because of the day 17 February 2010, but also because of the 364 other days that helped me grow. Therefore I must keep training myself and pushing myself, and not let myself sit in the comfort zone and be caught off-guard. Yes go forward! Keep moving and stop moving backwards.

All right, I should stop talking to myself and go do my GP homework. There's no reason why I can type 1000 words in half an hour but not be able to do my GP factsheets by, say, 6pm today if I start now. OK I'll try. Good luck myself.



Just don't give up
I'm working it out
Just don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around



I think I'm going to dread 3.30pm tomorrow. Although it will just come and go like nothing happened.



Go on
Get out of my head
I'm on the wrong side of a parallel universe
Am I alive
Or just dead
I've been stumbling in the dark
Living in a crash world



Oh ya I forgot to say this. I thought about the Subaru challenge and finally decided not to do it unless it's in the holidays. Good choice girl. (:

Appreciation

This hould have been here a long time ago, but I'm only posting it now all because my laziness and procrastination. I wrote this for Christmas appreciation. At that time, it was merely for the sake of writing because everybody is supposed to come up with a "creative 5-minute appreciation", and I still remember finishing it up on the bus on the day of sharing, although in the end we didn't get to present what we have prepared. I was still glad, because even if I had presented, it would be useless because I know that I didn't put in as much thought and effort as I intended to. It's not well written, but as I type it out and review it again, I hope that at least it did come out from my heart and not just for show:

Every year we celebrate
The birth of an amazing king
Who saved us, rescued us
So that we can be here today

He is my Shepherd, guiding me
And when I am lost, finding me
All I need to do is to ask
Because when I ask, I know I will receive

I'm embraced by His amazing grace
His perfect love for me, His child
Through Jesus I become who I am
Becoming more like Him each day

You teach me generosity
As Christmas is all about giving
That giving is a priviledge
And I'm blessed for you provide

You teach me righteousness
How not to do the wrong
And how to love my little sister
Every day a little more

You have shown me my family
Aside from the one I know
With different mothers but a common Father
Here are my brothers and sisters

Everybody I lay my eyes on
Is someone whom you have died for
Hence you teach me love and kindness
To be forgiving and pure at heart

How we all meet together is not by chance
Everyone here is here because of your plan
So let us keep loving one another
As you, our king, has loved us so much

And now, cell group appreciation:

I want to know each of you more
And share with you parts of my life
I want to put smiles on your faces
Because that will make me happy too

I'm really grateful to be here
To be a part of this family
Warm and cozy, loving and sweet
By my side when I need company

Each of you teach me so much
Every Saturday when we meet up
This family is so easy to love
Because it's full of adorable people

Every story, bitter and sweet
Our hearts come together, listening closely
When we pray for each other
Miracles will happen, and glory to our Father




After typing out my whole poem that I haven't read for a few weeks, I realised how much God has blessed me and reminded me to love and pray for the people around me. I haven't been doing my Quiet Time for the entire week, but God never gives up on me. He contines to talk to me and teach me throughout the week, whether I've been paying attention to Him or not. I'm really thankful for this, and I hope that through posting this poem, I'm honouring Him because I feel that this has come out from the bottom of my heart as I went through the poem again, especially after going through the excruciating process of typing it. I want to remind myself of all His love, mercy and grace, so I hope that I will take out my poem to read whenever I feel down or drifting from God. I'm sure that as I read it again and again, God will tell me something different each time and encourage me! (:

This week has been chaotic and tiring for me but I feel really lucky and blessed because I find all the good things happening to me:
Track trainings, although draining, are acting as a really good platform to not only strenthen me physically, but they also train my mental strength and keep challenging me to do better each time.
I haven't been sleeping much these days, sometimes to do my tutorials beforehand (as in before the lectures have finished on the topic), and although I've finished my probability tutorial (with many blanks) and my arenes tutorial and being thought of as a freak, I lost a lot of time for sleeping and to spend time with God. I want a change in this and want to revert back to the time when I felt so happy communicating with Him, because I know that He hears me and that I hear Him. (:
I also thank God for all sorts of things that happened to me this week, even though it's only the first week of school, and I've already been blessed with so much: chem rep, H3 pharmaceudical chemistry, my juniors' good O level results, my SChO 2009 results (I don't know what I'm going to get until 30 Jan), even getting Ms Sharon Phua as my GP teacher, and definitely the fact that I can hand in my GP holiday homework only next Tuesday (:D). I really need to do the factsheets. And the Econs project. Over the weekend. Even more less sleep or me now! Hahas. But I hope that through all the things that I need to get done, I won't stay away from God again because our relationship is what really matters, and He will bless me abundantly if I am faithful. (:

He has taught me a few things this week:
During training on Monday, I was training and felt very tired because I am quite unfit. Then I saw the girl's soccer team practising on the field. They looked happy and seemed to be enjoying their training, although I don't think it's any less tiring for them than for me. Then it struck me that I must enjoy what I'm doing, because I'm not doing it to just get a medal at the end of it all from the Nationals, but beacuse I enjoy running and training and I want to do well for my team. God wants me to be happy and not think of trainings as torture, so that I won't be finding excuses to skip trainings or miss out on track outings.
He also taught me to fight for the things I want, that I should do something if I want the change, so that I can be the change. Results are not rewarded, but earned. And I'm going to earn the results I want for myself! (:
Getting Ms Sharon Phua as my GP teacher also introduced self-discipline to me, to sit properly, to hand in my work on time, to be neat all the time, etc. All I need now is to put it to good news and not just put it aside. I'll try.
And just today, God told me to know what I'm fighting for, so that with a clear goal in mind, I'll be willing to roll myself there if I have to.
As I counted my blessings for this week, I'm really touched by the love that God has for us. And I realised that although people may find that life isn't fair, God is. You have to be there to know it, and I hope that I keep all the lessons in mind to bring myself even closer to God.

It's amazing how things work these day, all the anxiety, excitement, fun, hard work in a week. As the week is ending, I hope that I'll catch up with Him and put Him first in my life. I also want to be more organised and really make use of every second of my life and not waste any on stoning! D:

Another thing that God told me in the shower just now is that I don't need to live 100% in every moment of my life. Using track trainings to understand this, even sprinters don't run their 100% in every training. We do about 80-90%, and rarely 100% because it will take a very long time to recover. I will be recovering longer that it's worth my 100% is I really put in every of my effort, and it will be really tiring and inefficient most of the time. Therefore, the moral of the story is, DON'T live like you're dying. 75-90% is good enough for now. (:

Thank God for all that He has told me this week, and thank God for all the friends that made my week better that it would have been without any of their support. I hope Celine will come again, although I will be quite embarrassed if she reads my poem, and I hope that Madhu will be more honest and admit her true feeling. I can always introduce, and with S&T I don't I need to do much work. Hahas go girl! I'll root for you! xD

I probably won't come back for a while, but I hope that my life will still be just as good as it has been this week, with all the homework, challenges, responsibilities and with me enjoying every bit of my life with God. (: Jiayou everyone!