I feel better (:

Celine said that I sounded emo, but I think it's ok leh. Hahas. And I adapted back better than I thought I would. That's a great sign! (: I think I just need to spend less time stoning and on the computer.

Remember dear, good ending! (: I'm sure it will be as long as you trust Him with all your heart! Yay! >:)

Hmm I should think about my own problem too. I was too busy thinking about other stuff that I forgot about my own. Must start solving leh, if not will be very emo. ): Sorry gang that I was so quite, but I really don't know what to say. I don't even have any conclusion about anything, then I don't know what to say also... Haiz. Ok I'll try to say something serious and not lame next time. Hahas. (:

Actually I thought I'm fine already, but i guess things ain't always that easy. But I will be, when I learn to focus on  Him more. (: Don't be lazy!

I'll get better real soon. I promise. (:

Good to be back. Good to not feel strange. Good to know what's going on in your life.

But I need to know what's going on in mine.
I need a reality check too, although I already know the answers, and answers are not the things that I really need right now. I need to know how to do with them, how to move on, how not to get stuck here and feel demoralised, how to re-find my life and carry on with it. I feel that too many things have been lost, and I'll probably take a really long time to search them all back, but it'll be worth it. (:

This time, I think I'm really fine.
I just need time.

Headaches, rashes, and maybe some hormone disorder.

Other than that, my life is perfectly fine. I guess.

I've been sick recently and despite sleeping every time I reach home and not doing all my homework, I still cannot seem to get enough sleep. My darlin (the one in AJ) was, coincidentally, also sick since Sunday but with a much more serious fever. Lin Yao was also sick on Monday. Now even my bestie is having a fever and sore throat... The weather is really bad! ): I still remember my conversation with my apathetic friend: He was like the weather is so hot, and I went ya I'm still having a slight fever. Then he went ya the weather will make your fever worse. So I was thinking like how's that going to help me? But hahas never mind, I think I'm much better now. (: Need to catch up with all the work! And catch up with God. (:

Ya did my speech day voting. Anyhow vote. Hope people pay up tomorrow. If not idk how. :/

The greenlink earth day talk not bad sia. Got refreshment!! :D:D:D Hahas no wonder my 2 slacking friends doing logistics under that event.

Kesha's Your Love Is My Drug is so cute. So cheerful and happy and gay! (: Hahas!

Hope all 3 disorders above go away. Soon!

(:

Hectic hectic hectic!

A bit messy right now. Like rushing through everything. Although there seems to be no need for it.

Cannot concentrate when I try to do work. Still very tired even though I think I've been sleeping more. Strange.

Today Nijun was like "Your friends very nice leh!"
Then I was like "Why your friends not nice meh?" (Ok it was weird)
And she was like "No la. Your friends keep saying jiayou to you."
Then I was like AWW~

Yup my dearest baobeis, who always make me melt! (: I will try my best to qualify first!

Will be missing a few stuff. Hope it's not too serious. :P


Yay (:

You make me stonger.

Aww~ My sweet sweet darlings just know how to make me melt. (: Thanks for being there, like, ALWAYS!

Can't believe we got first for SPARKS! I only helped to press buzzer... :x But The rest of my team is crazy! And must thank Jocelyn and her team for PA, Madhu and Porlin for hosting, Celine for the support, Shang Jun and his SnT for making it possible. (: It was fun! :D Again again! *teletubbies*

Yay finished my NATFA! Don't have to worry about it for LIFE. Jiayou Celine for your 2.4, and Jocelyn and Madhu for your SBJ!! You can jump one must believe in yourselves! I'll run 2.4 with you next Monday OK? (: My event is this Friday so yup not scared of anything already!

Haven't done any homework. Don't know what I've been doing for the past few days. Hope PW outing was good? (:

Got to go out with Marilyn soon... hopefully. (: Lin Yao told me that Energy Audit will be tiring, but never mind la, I'm going to step down soon will be more free. (: Hahas.


Love you my Baobeis for being so encouraging... I'm touched! <3

xoxo you all!


P.S. April Fools was fun. :P Madhu! Your favourite song very cute leh! Hahas!

And things will all fall into the right places

One down! :D Quite relieved that it's over actually, although I didn't want it to end.
Less stress now, I hope!

Something's wrong with my keyboard. Shouldn't type much. It's getting painful.

Oh wait it's okay now! It's just a program that was running just now.

All the best for 200m girls! (: And long jump! Jiayou!!


I'm so glad that I've got you, always there for me, being so supportive. MUARCKS!!

<3 (:

xoxo

I'm tired and scared. And hungry and cold. OK, not really.

:/

I want to eat carrot until I turn orange!

Tried Long jump today. (: A bit scary, but quite fun la. (: Thank Joshua and Wei Quan for the patience to teach me! Need Gabe. :/

So tired. Want to sleep. But want to wake up at 12 to wish Marilyn happy birthday. (: Hope bestie gets a hint and message my love soon! :D

An love don't worry he won't think of you as irritating one. You're so cute! :D

Get chased away already. I've only been here for like 5, 10 minutes. Thursday got Sparks, Friday got H3 test, Saturday Sunday most likely will have long jump training, Monday Bio block test, Wednesday selection test. DEAD. Hahas. Must enjoy tomorrow man go eat Swensen's! :D Eat until fat then cannot jump!


<3 you (:

I need a plaster for my heart. But I'll be fine. (:

Shouldn't think about whether I DID the right thing.
Shouldn't think about what things COULD have been.
Just focus on now, and how to make things better.

Just can't seem to make myself get more sleep. Still sleeping late. This is bad... ): Can feel the effects, and their heartbreaks. Ouch.

Self-control! Self-discipline! Prioritise!
I don't really know how not to lean on my own understanding, or how to make decisions, because He's just telling me that He'll bless me in whatever I choose to do.
Or maybe that's what I need. It's not important what I choose to do, but how well I choose to do it and not think about not doing anything else. Hahas I'm confused, but thanks. (:

I hope I don't get injured in the next 2 weeks. That's the best that I can do. For now.

Oh no gtg! Hahas hope I still can come back. (: Yup I'll be fine.

"IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU USING LOGICAL REASONING."

Lose your emotional baggage

Yay! Meeting Mel tomorrow (: Quite stress about everything but never mind! Was super frustrated today when I read the message around noon and went out for a walk, but the word FAITH popped into my head, and very much calmed me down. Thank God! (: I think I just try my best la. Even if it's not enough. (:

I think I'm very distracted. The TV on then I will sit there and watch. NO SELF-DISCIPLINE! Aiya go sleep la. Super tired. Haiz. Jocelyn take care at camp! Have super a lot of fun. (:

K la I try to do a bit of work first. Then try to sleep early. Yup. (:


Love you!

It's true that we shouldn't bury our feelings, but right now I need to.

Had some sort of spiritual attack/ emotional diarrhea just now on my way home. Almost went crazy. Feeling much better now but it can come again any time. And I have a feeling it will. Recorded my thoughts in my phone:

If it's possible, I also want.

It hit me so hard now it hurts so bad. I'm suffocating as the minute goes by. Hoping that something will happen, someone to save me out of this. But who can I blame, since I;m the one causing my own pain. Why am I inflicting pain on myself? I don't get what's going on. Something's terribly wrong. In fact, everything's wrong. Nothing feels right. I'm too dependent. I need to speak up and rely on Him more. Believe that everything's for my best interest (because it's true). I just can't figure out the feeling though. It's like I'm lost. ): And I can't even bring myself to listen to happy songs now. Because I simply feel too sad. Feeling so insecure that I can't stop peeling the skin on my thumb every time my hands are free. How I wish I have an eye candy that can cheer me up whenever I spot him from afar. One that I don't have to feel associated to, one that don't know my existence. Feel so confused feel so bad. Tomorrow got race I better rest well. Can't stand the feeling that I'm dying to hear something every moment. Or getting motivated to run faster because I didn't put in my 100% in the first place. But everything's going to end soon. So soon that I'm still in the shock that I;n going to do long jump. I love Lift You High by Planetshakers. I need to have that knid of love and mindset. Need to slap myself so as to wake up from the sweet dream before it turns to sweet. Or else I'll find myself crying when I wake up, when I finally realise that everything is not possible. Quick, wake up, before it's too late.

I felt like rubbish, but someone slapped me out of it.


See, verbal diarrhea right. It was like a 10 page long SMS. Just that at that time I didn't say all these out loud. It was inside my head, so loud.

I'm going to fail my psycho test man, at this rate. Need to tell my baobeis about it. (:

I think I'm giving myself too much stress because I'm too slack. Must push myself more. I feel very tired these days, although I'm not doing much. I feel so old. Oh man.


It was really scary. Dark and filled with screams. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

I'm going crazy. All because of you, myself. Thanks ah.

Felt better after I reached home. Shouldn't have stayed back. Should be more independent. Anyway I've more or less decided to give up since I really cannot make it and focus more on what I can get. Maybe I should be more like the Benjamin I met today. Then I won't live until I feel so tired.

Mr Yip is crazy la. Ask me to go back to school tomorrow to ask him questions. He'll be very disappointed if he knows that I've secretly decided to give up, but he also admitted that even that Benjamin is better than me at concepts. I no hope already la. Sorry. (:

Can't laugh anymore. Anything that come out from my mouth now is either crap, or crap. Sorry baobeis. ):

This is so sweet. It's on a Facebook page It's like I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you:
here's a secret: I LOVE YOU ♥
So super sweet. :3

Must stop myself from imagining stupid things. Or hallucinating. I told ou I'm going crazy.

I really like this picture from It's like I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you. It corresponds to one of my notes in my phone that I displayed for quite a while. (:

It's so super duper sweet la~ LOVE YOU! :3

Ok I should go and rest soon. Race at 2.40 tomorrow. Weather: Dunno. Feeling: Scared. Jiayou! :3

You can do it! (:


I'll still love you. (: I'll try to put down the hate, even those for myself.

Things that cheer me up :D

This is some announcement I found under a folder on KM called A Level Examination. And it's damn funny!

Important!
by Tan Cheu Yian 11/20/2009 9:45 AM

• Please bring a jacket along for the examination which you could wear it if you feel cold.
• Please bring an umbrella in case it rains.
• In the event of floods, please do be reminded that your safety is of the utmost importance. Contact the College immediately if you do have problems reaching the College on time.

It's super cute can! Especially the third point. LOL.


And I learnt a new word last Friday! It's "Quorine"! :D

I think he still doesn't trust me as much.. Hmm... Hahas never mind la I don't care about all those politics. Go for it, electrophoresis! You can do it!



Oh my gosh! Cannot stop laughing after reading these feedbacks. This is damn funny:

This Just Has To Be Said

Some may find this a waste of space. If my brain wasn't dead from Mathematics, I would probably be sane enough to agree.
But some things must be said and apologised for as a matter of principle.
...Sorry Mrs Poon, I wasn't paying attention to what I was typing, and I know you're not Mr Tan.
Sincerely,
-Bern



Another one:

Sorry sorry.

Sorry Mrs. Poon, I really thought you were a man.
My bad.
.wen loong




HAHAHA! They are damn cute. It's damn random and although I don't get what they mean, but it's really very funny. Thanks for brightening up my day. :D

I couldn't walk I couldn't see
I couldn't love until you found me

If it were to be any different, I won't like it as much.

I don't want to think about all the if's and maybe's. I'm happy the way things are. Even though there may be sad times or tough times, I still like it right here, right now. I'm not going to regret any decisions I've made, any path that I walk, for God placed me in all this and I trust that that's the best for me. (: Like giving me more time to rest because I haven't been taking care of myself. I know it breaks His heart, as well as my mum's, to see me sick and uncomfortable when I don't take time to rest and get sick in the end. So, I'll try to sleep earlier from now on! I'll try really... Whether I get 7As or not for A levels is completely irrelevant if I can't even do my A levels because I get too sick. Jus chill and take things light. It's not like I'm completely stupid or lazy, so I'm sure I can do it. (: I'll be smiling with my baobeis around this time next year, or maybe crying tears of joy because I love the drama (hahas).

I don't care what things will turn out to be. What's done is done. I don't care how you think of me. I'm going to throw you away! :D OK at least I'll try. Hahas I'm going crazy. Yup I'll try my best. By that time, be proud of me OK? (:

It's ok to be completely random

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling
Streetlight people


A level results are out. Guess now's the time where a lot of people are scratching there heads hard trying to figure out where to go from here. I hope I won't be one of them this time next year.

People scream. People cry. I stood there to enjoy the drama. Feeling kind of numb and kind of affected as well. Hope these people make the best of what they have and don't regret from now on. I'll need a BIG hug next year too, from everyone I see man. Hahas. Hope PW will be ok. All the best 09! (:

Everyone can turn their back against me, but I just need you to believe me. It's the source of my strength. Hope this holds true for long enough.

Don't stop believing in what you can do. There's someone up there always smiling at you, having faith in you more than you yourself do, knowing that there's a great plan for you. Jiayou slow gang! Next year we go up to the stage together! (:

I need to rest. Reserve for SPH relays tomorrow and Sunday. No time to do work at all. I'm physically drained as well. Dying already... xP

All the sad songs make me so sad... ): Must change my preference to Madhu's favourite song. LOL!


虽然无所谓写在脸上
我还是舍不得让你离开
虽然闭着眼 假装听不到
你对爱已不再想依赖





I feel blue 沒有風的下午　
想起那天還是會有點辛苦
Oh so blue 恨自己太清楚（生命不能重複）
我有花在眼前 酒在喉間 想的是你的笑臉

如果能在雨天　會不會有改變　
也許你就永遠在我身邊
如果當時瞭解　看見我的曖昧　
你會不會體貼地再多留一會兒
Come back again

是誰走錯了一步　誰又能不後悔
只是　痛心的　失心的　狠心的　再難挽回

如果能再遇見　會不會有改變　
也許你就永遠在我身邊
如果當時瞭解　看見我的曖昧　
你會不會體貼地再多留一會兒
Come back again








愛可以這樣　當我想一個人晚餐　
卻碰到你坐在對面

剛分手的人　已有新伴侶　
為何我還在意
你已屬於她　而我只能看著窗外　
有沒有人比我可憐
所以愛上別人包括忘記你　需要一點時間

哦　陽光竟然耀眼
哦　隨便

想你已經十天又三天　
我好想再看你一眼
一路 轉彎 直線 曲折又熟練
是你回家的路線
分手已經十天又三天　
整個人什麼都不對
左邊 右邊 心裡 尋找了幾遍　
你真的不在身邊

愛已經這樣　而我付過帳的咖啡　
苦得沒有一點甜味
當然也有人約我好多遍　
但我沒有感覺
你已不存在　或是還有那麼一點　
陰陰暗暗不肯離開
所以愛上別人包括忘記你　
需要一點時間

哦　陽光竟然耀眼
哦　想念

想你已經十天又三天　
我好想再看你一眼
一路 轉彎 直線 曲折又熟練
是你回家的路線
分手已經十天又三天　
整個人什麼都不對
左邊 右邊 心裡 尋找了幾遍　
你真的不在身邊


All so sad right. Lol. Haiz.

I'm tired. But I need to work hard.

Need to work harder. And work smarter.


Everybody dance
Dance like an angel! :D
Sometimes people do the sundance people
Everyone is higher
Love desires


Hahas I'm siao already.

Make happiness a habit. (:

I also don't want my schedule to be like that. Don't have time for anything these days. Haiz...

Things will get alot better after March. Because things are ending. Hang in there in the mean time dear! (:

Listen to happy songs, think of happy thoughts, and just be positive! Gotta write my script!

Better catch up on GP reading article. Gonna get slaughtered...

Thank God for all that have happened in my life. And all that have not. Really.


Maximise my capacity! (: Get more sleep. Be less lame. ): Hahas.

Make smiling a habit. Make love a habit. See no evil. Hear no evil. Be no evil.

Be more cute. Hehe. :3

And be myself. (: Sleep more......

Make better use of time. Don't be so blur and everything.


Should have used those hands to play piano. Haiz. Lol.
Stop being random! (: Write script! Study for maths test! Do GP homework! Make time if I can't find time. (:

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go~

That's the most boring chorus hahas. Whole thing x3 some more.


Thank you my beloved baobeis. For staying through with me all this while. (: Don't know what to do without you all.


<333

Smile Smile Smile (:

Pull yourself together! Gather all lost strength and the broken pieces of motivation, and stand up once more. Charge towards your goal! (:

Sometimes I don't know if it's you or if it's just me. I've drifted a bit too far.

I think I can go to church next week! (: If all goes well.

Hope dad has a safe trip. Nothing will happen to him. (:

Yup keep smiling girl. Cry when you need to because it releases toxics and depressants. Hahas.

Away from me, you stomach-ache-causing germs. SHOO.


Hahas. I think I'm a bit siao liao. But thanks dear for being there for me. (: And I've got a new poem for my honey! I think she'll faint hahas. Or get flu because it's too cold. :P

Snap out of impractical thoughts and lie in a whole bunch of beautiful dreams! Just don't cry when it gets too beautiful. <3


Can't you feel this magic in the air? It must have been the way you kissed me. Right on the forehead. (:
'Cos only your fingers can fit perfectly into the space between my fingers.
Hehe.


Better run. Daddy's coming back. :D

I was initially so sad. Thought I'd miss the chance. My dad told me never mind, there will always be chance, but I wasn't convinced. After reading the email more closely, I thought it wouldn't be very useful to me anyways, since I'm not the thinking and speaking up type of person, but I still felt that the chance would be wasted if I can't go.

Just so stubborn. Myself.

In the end I decided to complain about it. Lol. Though I thought I really shouldn't. Should have drawn the line sooner.

After that I was glad that there may actually be a chance that I can go this tea party, although not very likely that RIJC and HCI will have it on the exact same day, nor asking the professor to change the day for the training. But at least he tried. And I'm happy.

I tried.


Didn't go for the extra training at Bishan stadium yesterday morning. Although it's beneficial for me. Wasn't feeling very well and so didn't feel like going. Hasn't been feeling well since 2 Wednesdays ago. Really tired and worn out and stressed. I feel that I'm wasting everyone's time anyway, but He told me not to give up. I'm only wasting everyone's time if I keep being so lazy and negative. Must try to make better use of my time without compromising on my beauty sleep. I was almost late on Friday, really thank God I wasn't. I don't know how the school bell got even slower than my watch, but it mustn't have happened by chance. Therefore I must grab every likely opportunity that God has placed in front of me and make full use of it. And be more dependent on Him and not anyone else, especially not myself. I am weak but He is strong! Can't be so proud and complacent anymore. He loves me so much.

Everything that He has done for me, to take me so far. I'll embrace it with much love too.

"Hope you love it! (:"
Yes I want to. And I can if I just even try.

Mustn't listen to sad music. It really affects my mood a lot.

Last thing to mention... sorry Erin that I didn't go for Starstruck! ): Was really tired by that time though I tried staying back... Hope everything went well. (:


What else can you say. You hypocrite.



The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cos the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly



Yay cheese tofu! Love it! (:
But I've grown soooooo fat over the Chinese New Year period. ):
Stop eating, you fat pig! Nationals' in about 1 month's time!! :0



Cos I see your blue eyes every time I close mine
You make it hard to breathe.